As part of a girl’s holiday “ensemble” of books, I purchased ‘Get Your Sh!t Together’ at Gatwick airport.  It was bought somewhat in jest but ultimately proved to be incredibly helpful.  I’ve already reviewed one of my very favourite books The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck also by Sarah Knight, so her follow-up ‘Get Your Sh!t Together’ is perfect to put insight into action.

I started the book on the holiday and got about halfway through – and being embarrassingly honest – I have to confess that I didn’t finish it until six months later when I was on my Christmas break.  I know, I’m rather red-faced thinking about it given the title and intent of the book.  So no judgement, please.

It does serve to prove the much-needed point of the book, making time and space to do the things you WANT to do rather than spending all your time worrying about what you SHOULD be doing.  Sarah’s author’s note at the start of the book sums what to expect up beautifully:

“Think of it as a delightfully profane one-stop-shop for tidying your mind – and making your life easier and better.”

Interestingly, since launching Behind The Hashtag, the most asked question I’ve received is – how have you found the time?   Well first of all – if I didn’t have a design and technical guru providing the “place” I would never have got this off the ground (thank you FOREVER, Ben).  Secondly – I’ve made time by choosing what to give a f*ck about.  Right now, I could be bleaching a toilet or even my moustache, but instead, I’m sat in the garden indulging in writing book reviews and new articles for my website, because that’s what gives me joy.

If you’re looking for a different angle on prioritising your time or help in reflecting on what matters to you, Get Your Sh!t Together is the ideal start.  Though maybe don’t take six months to read it, as I did!

“Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”

For me, this book was ‘The One’, the book which genuinely felt as though it has been written specifically for me, the dog ears and coffee rings are testimony to that. I was a massive Brené Brown fan from the get-go – you’ll see a review of her TED Talk – and her blend of knowledge and just being human and funny knocks my socks off every time!

It’s actually quite emotional going back to review this book after really embracing the ideas and working very, very hard for over four years now to make them real in my life. When I picked up the book, I was at the very beginning of a ‘well-being and life transformation’, which became somewhat of a rollercoaster over time. In the months ahead I will most definitely explore many elements from this book as I share my learning and experience, for the book review today I want to focus on my ‘aha moment’ from the first read.

What ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ opened up for me – well more like ‘cracked wide open’ – was the idea of ‘Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness’. This was ‘Guidepost #3’ in the book, ‘Cultivating a Resilient Spirit’, and it transformed the way I saw resilience and myself.     At the heart of this chapter was the “not enough” voice in our heads which gets in the way of us being truly resilient. It’s the inner voice which just makes what’s difficult so much harder and over time leaves us feeling very alone, reading this chapter normalised so many things I’d been experiencing, and I honestly did start to cry with relief at one point.  That’s never happened to me with a non-fiction book before, unlike fiction – where I cried buckets when Dobbie the house-elf died in Harry Potter.

So what was I crying about? This particular part of the book looked at how we numb ourselves ‘to take the edge of’ – sadness, or grief, or fear or despair. I’d always thought that only referred to drinking yourself into oblivion or doing drugs (I do neither), but for me, it can be food, TV, work, staying busy, planning, caretaking etc.  Oh dear god, I realised that I had taken numbing to an Olympic level and I was doing my very best to outrun vulnerability and uncertainty. That was an enlightening and challenging aha moment.

Of course, I didn’t resolve those issues overnight, but I know for a fact that this was the breakthrough book for me in making sense of what was going on. I’m delighted that my 16-year-old daughter Iona loves Brené’s work too, and it’s also helped her navigate some difficult things in life.  What’s lovely is, after you read the book there are excellent resources available from Brené Brown.

As I hold my copy of Wherever You Go, There You Are in my hand to write this review, it literally makes me smile. I can feel the crease lines along the spine from the book being opened, re-opened and re-read, it immediately reminds me of how very, very powerful it’s been in helping me stay calm in very stormy times.

What I love most about this book is that it was a gift from my friend Ginny, who I’ve had a chance work with for years and who has always had a bit of the Jedi Master about her when it comes to mindfulness, she hasn’t just studied it and practised it for years, she LIVES it.  The gifting of this book was a very powerful ‘pay it forward’ which shifted my view significantly on what mindfulness is and how it can play a part in everyday life.

I will confess, I started the book as a total amateur and had never even heard of Jon Kabat-Zin, though to be fair he doesn’t set out to be ‘heard of’, so I’ll cut myself some slack on that one.  But in the world of mindfulness-based stress reduction, he’s the professor who studied both science and Buddhism, bringing the two worlds together in an incredibly pioneering way.

For me, this book served as my primary entry point to mindfulness.  My central ‘aha moment’ was letting go of the idea “that I’m not very good at mindfulness”; or the story I tell myself “that I’ve got too busy a mind, can’t sit still…” or whatever that story is on any given day.  My key takeaway was very much about ‘what mindfulness helped me to notice’, and there was no ‘right way’, but more about finding ‘the way that works for you’.

The lovely message from Ginny

The book was a turning point in my understanding of mindfulness, and I now practice it pretty much daily (even if it’s in a small way).  However, what I did also find very difficult was that once things were ‘noticed’, they really can’t be ‘unnoticed’ and at times that was very painful and difficult – but also necessary.  I think the hardest ‘aha moment’ for me was noticing how much avoidance and running away from vulnerability, fear and pain I had done.  Most painfully, that I’d “taught” that behaviour,  without realising, to my daughter – that broke my heart.

When I was supporting my daughter through her scariest and most challenging times and her learned behaviour of ‘avoiding’ kicked in – I leaned on the mantra ‘Wherever You Go, There You Are‘ many, many times.  I’m sure her temptation to throw the book at me was real, but pulling her into that truth again and again did help.

This book is a wonderful way to enter the understanding and practice of mindfulness.  I personally found it very practical and even had a joy of seeing him ‘live’ at the 2018 Wisdom 2.0 Conference in San Francisco (a 50^th birthday gift to myself).